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Author: 1306
Rating: PG (Because Mercury, that's what)
Challenge: Coconut #3 ("Where's the beef?") + Root Beer Float, Cherry (Script Form)
Word Count: 504
Story Arc: Planetarium Collective
Title: No Substance
Summary: Mercury demands his veal be perfect. It doesn't work.
A/N: Nope, Mercury is about this close to become the comic relief. :P


[Scene: Terrence and Mercury are having dinner at a nearby diner. All seems quiet until Mercury gets a taste of the veal served to him.]

Mercury: [frowning] Hey Terrence, can you tell what the fuck is this?

Terrence: [stares at Mercury's plate]. It's a slab of meat. A cooked slab of meat, at that. What's the problem?

Mercury: Why don't you have a try? Tell me what's the problem?

[Terrence eyes Mercury suspiciously, with narrowed eyes and thinned lips. He slices some of the veal and eats it. A quick wince followed suit.]

Terrence: It's a bit salty, but not too bad.

Mercury: Not too bad? Excuse me? [voice starts raising] I've eaten enough beef to know what's too salty and what isn't, and this breaks the meter in saltiness!

Terrence: Hey man, calm down, come on--just stomach it and keep eating...

[Mercury stands up so suddenly that it almost knocks off both his and Terrence's drinks. He walks over to the counter, the plate of veal in his hands. He then slams it down on the counter, glaring down the waiter right in front of him.]

Mercury: I believe you've put a little too much salt into this. Tone it down next time, will ya?

Waiter: [timidly fidgets his fingers] W-well, okay. I didn't cook this, though, just so you know.

Mercury: That's all fucking fine and dandy, but you'd better tell your cook not to spill a whole shaker's worth of salt onto the food next time, won't ya? I mean, if this is all the substance your meat has, I can't say I'm going to waste my dough on this place anytime soon, capice?

Waiter: Y-yes, sir. Our deepest apologies.

[The waiter then retreats into the kitchen; a flurry of voices from inside follow suit. No telling what the conversation was about, but Mercury could sense that he had gotten them agitated. He saunters back to his table, looking satisfied.]

Terrence: So, d'you feel good about embarrassing other people?

Mercury: I just hope they'd get it right next time, you know? It irritates me to no end that I keep spending my shit here and then end up with this.

Terrence: It's not always that bad; you're overreacting again.

[A little later, another waiter comes out from the kitchen, carrying two small plates in his hands. He set them down before Mercury, and instantly the waiter and Terrence could sense Mercury's  blood starting to boil. One plate had a pile of coals on it, while the other had raw meat on it.]

Waiter #2: The chef says that from now on, you'll cook the meat to your preferences, seeing as how he usually cooks it isn't good enough for you. He also apologizes for the trouble and wishes that all your meat burn tenfold.

[The waiter hurries back into the kitchen. Terrence bursts out into laughter, while Mercury seethes in his seat.]

Terrence: [still howling with laughter] You gotta give the cook some credit, Merc--he knows how to make a comeback!


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 29th, 2013 06:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, Mercury. MERCURY. I'd feel sorry for you, but you were asking for it, being rude to the staff like that...
Feb. 1st, 2013 02:08 pm (UTC)
Well, Mercury's asking for it about 99% of the time. If only he kept his temper in check--if only... ;P
Jan. 29th, 2013 07:14 pm (UTC)
lol definitely deserved! Terrence seems very easy-going...I would be mortified if my dining companion did something like Mercury did here
Feb. 1st, 2013 02:18 pm (UTC)
Ahaha, true. I think I might shrink in fear--that hair-trigger temper can get even more out of hand...
Feb. 1st, 2013 01:19 pm (UTC)
*lmao* Yes, he definitely had that coming, and and wishes that all your meat burn tenfold. is a brilliant, brilliant curse. XD
Feb. 1st, 2013 02:19 pm (UTC)
I had fun thinking of the comeback :D This is just one of the things Mercury had coming to him, what with that attitude.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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