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Author: hi_falootin
Prompt: mocha 27. over my dead body
Toppings: Cherry, Rainbow Sprinkles
Extra: MALT! shayna611 dared to to write about Jake's spirit quest!
Word Count: 490
Rating: PG
Notes: THIS IS WEIRD, AS PROMISED. Just a reminder, Jake is Dee and Jason's father :) This takes place shortly after his wife died and is a companion to this piece.


He's a small figure in a vast expanse, a hatch-mark on a desert canvas, a slow-moving tumbleweed. Jake stumbles towards enlightenment.


He's a small figure in a vast expanse, a hatch-mark on a desert canvas, a slow-moving tumbleweed. He's dragging his body

(it gets heavier and heavier) along the hard-packed sand

(each step is less real than the one before)

chasing mirages that dance away

(cheeky mirages)

before he can reach them.

He needs water, food

(purpose).

*

He's lying on his back in the shade of a dead tree. There's a bird in the branches, a great white thing. It looks at him, eyes dark and shiny.

Silly man, it seems to tell him. You're going to die too.

You're going to die out here, and orphan your children.

He closes his eyes.

*

The crow is next. He's on a feet again, following a path of brown-green desert brush that leads to the horizon. The crow is flying lazy loops above his head.

I can show you, I can show you Its wings beat hard, so close to his face he flinches away.

For a price it's saying. For a price.

He flexes his fingers suddenly, without even meaning to, and feels the wedding band slip from his finger, fall to the sand below. The crow swoops down, grabs the ring in its beak. Can birds grin?

Mine now, mine now.

He tries to protest; his mouth is too dry to make the words.

(over my dead body.)

He lunges for the ring; the bird is already flying away.

You'll see, you'll see

*

He's not sure he isn't dead.

The desert is still, dark. The stars spill from the sky in perfect, geometric webs. A false sky. He feels the bare spot on his finger, curls his hand into a fist. The wind sounds like the crow, sounds like the bird that told him You are going to orphan your children, sounds like...

her.

He squeezes his eyes closed and the desert is gone, the lying sky is gone, and suddenly he can see her.

Her face, her wide, bright smile.

(Melody.)

He hear himself call out to her.

Oh, Jake, she says. I have so much to show you.

*

The sun is rising.

Melody is gone, but not. She's there in the sand beneath his feet, the sun-warmth on his back, the pinks, yellows and reds of the morning sky.

Jake looks up. And he gets it,

(somehow)

he understands.

A crow screeches overhead, it's dark form cutting across the sky. He can really see it now, how its blackness extends beyond its feathers, how it leaves a sky-trail of agony behind. He reaches up to grab it in his fist like thread, and it breaks apart before his eyes,

before his eyes

the bird unravels into spires of black.

The wedding band hits the ground between his feet, bounces and rolls.

He looks up to where the nothing-bird was and sees only the sunrise.

Smiling, he picks up the ring

and puts it back on.

*



A/N: I hesitate to say anything about this piece, but I think he ate a lot of peyote. Which is not to say what he saw wasn't real. Okay, shutting up now :)

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
purpleinkpen
Oct. 27th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
O.O

Pretty!

Aren't I the constructive little commenter?
hi_falootin
Oct. 27th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
haha, no way, that's a great comment! thanks :D
sylvrilyn
Oct. 27th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC)
Okay, that was really cool. I love the way the disjointed lines feed into the feeling of disconnected thoughts, stopping and starting again, maybe from the same place they left off, maybe from somewhere else. *applauds*
hi_falootin
Oct. 27th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC)
aw, thanks! I'm glad the disjointed stuff worked for you. I've only written one other piece like that before and it was something semi-biographical so--yay!
shayna611
Oct. 31st, 2008 12:17 pm (UTC)
Very wierd indeed, in a very good way :)

I really liked the disjointed style. It fit well with the surreal subject matter. I dunno if it was intentional, but I liked the footprint of the words on the page too - the way every section seemed to sort of funnel down from one longer, somewhat coherent thought into fragments.

Very spiffy piece!
hi_falootin
Oct. 31st, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
thank you! I'm glad you liked it since it was your dare ;)

I liked the footprint of the words on the page too - the way every section seemed to sort of funnel down from one longer, somewhat coherent thought into fragments.

I'm not really sure if I did this consciously, but you're totally right, that is how it seems. WHOO! It's kind of exciting to have your own writing surprise you in interesting ways :D
shayna611
Oct. 31st, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
yay! :)
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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