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mocha #1: 'before you could sleep'

title: before you could sleep
author: hi_falootin
rating: G
words: 313
prompt: mocha #1 'I think I can'

summary: Dee was good at sledding, snowmen, hockey. But not at reading, really. Jason gets a story, anyway.


Remember this:

Dee, book open in her lap, legs splayed around it on the motel comforter.

"Come on," she'd say, "Let me read it to you."

You remember her like that: knobby knees, chest flat as yours, cheeks flushed with red from running outside in the snow. Dee was good at sledding, snowmen, hockey. But not at reading, really. You hated how she hesitated at certain words, like English wasn't her first language (and it was). At eight, you knew the words she didn't, easy ones you'd repeat quietly. DEE-ter-mination. Deb-REE. Like the Es in your name, dummy, you'd tell her. You were eight.

"You think you know everything, but you don't," she'd say. Turning back to the book, licking her finger to turn the page, "'But then, no matter how hard she tried, she could not move the long train of cars'...I bet you didn't know the little engine was a she."

"Just shut up and read it, Dee."

You liked it the closer she got to the end--I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. There was something comforting in the rhythm of her words, the music of her voice. You could care less about steam engines, really, but this one had the voice of your sister and so you could sympathize with it, understand its struggles. You and the steam engine, she seems to be saying, you're not so different.

In retrospect, Dee was a crap babysitter, only eleven, and impatient. But she was your favorite, the only one willing to read the books you loved, the only one who'd tell you, truthfully, that Dad wouldn't be back that night. That Dad might be gone for a while.

Curled in her lap, basking in the glow of a neon VACANCY sign you might ask, "Can you read it again?" and tuck your pillow against her side, close your eyes, sleep.





I asked my boyfriend "does this sound like a drunk person wrote it?" and he was like "no, totally no." So I posted it :D Pro tip: A drunk person might have wrote this.

Comments

maiden_rising
Sep. 6th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
I've always liked that you write in second person. Someone we read for Jean Thompson's CRWR class - Maile Meloy - does that too. If you haven't read her, you should check her out. Anyway, one of the challenges in this comm is to write in a way that you normally wouldn't...i.e., third person if you always write in first, and v.v. I think I'll try writing in second person at some point, because I've literally NEVER done that.

Anyway, I like this, although truth be told whenever I read pieces about siblings now I tend to think of Supernatural...that would be your fault. :)
hi_falootin
Sep. 6th, 2008 05:45 pm (UTC)
I don't really have a style I don't normally write in...do I? I guess I could try using proper punctuation/sentences, haha. Now I'm curious actually...is there a style I don't write it?

Anyway, I like this, although truth be told whenever I read pieces about siblings now I tend to think of Supernatural...that would be your fault.
AHAHAHA, I'M AWESOME. What's funny is when I write Supernatural fics I sort of base the sibling relationship on other things I've seen and read (I guess because I don't have any brothers/sisters?). I personally find it more interesting to write a brother and sister though.
hi_falootin
Sep. 6th, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC)
oh hey, for a cool sibling story, you should read "how this all started" by pete fromm. it's the first one in the book and I *think* you can get the whole thing free here if you only look at that one story:
http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=HP3SBurVu50C&dq=pete+fromm+night+swimming&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=EbhHL285Xo&sig=dp42rReVvcEN-S6w4v8j0eZFrjk&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA1,M1

He's actually written a novel based on these two (by the same title) that I really want to read. oh, the sister is manic-depressive. BUT IT'S AWESOME, TRUST ME. (/book rec)

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