Story: Stand and Deliver!
Flavor: Cake Batter
Rating: PG-13 (language, brief sexual reference)
Word Count: 517
Summary: Mitganger's invitation does not mean what he thinks it means.
Notes: This was inspired by this graphic, which is far funnier than my story. Also, this is out of rough chronological order and does not contain Stojna, for those of you waiting for her to pop up again ^_-
His Serene Highness Augustine Georg Wilhelm Mitganger
Prince Palatine of the Province of Sékor
requests the pleasure of Prefect Lukánsky’s company
at a party in honor of the New Year
Palatinate Residence ~ Karlsberg
31 December 1785, 8 p.m.
Say you’ll come. It’ll be fun. A.M.
Come get into it with Zlata, Countess Necker, in front of EVERYONE at Mitganger’s Palatinate residence that he never uses unless there’s an Imperial emissary in town! It smells like dust and is sure to be full of people you don’t even like or respect! Entertainment will include that horrible orchestra that plays chipper little tunes you hate; requests to play some real music will be greeted with polite, blank stares, because they came all the way from Toltschland and Slavs have no business getting near them, let alone asking them for anything.
There will also be dancing! You can humiliate yourself by hiding in the cloakroom for the duration, or by taking the floor with Baroness Dusic on your arm, even as Zlatka loudly tells every woman in earshot what a HORRIBLE dancer you are (which stings even if it is true) and that you are not getting anywhere NEAR her. Burn in your own private Hell as she scotches all your clumsy attempts to cut in! Rack your brains as you try to figure out what you did!
Be held hostage by Jelina, Baroness Dusic, who has gone so far as to imply that she will grant sexual favors in return for your services as her escort! She’s either at the end of her resources or does not understand how this works. You’re just the Prefect of Police and not an actual nobleman, and nobody in the Sékortsy nobility wants DICK to do with you! (Except Stano Savic, but he’s a Northern lord and doesn’t count. Also, things are iffy right now, what with you and his sister on the outs.) Endure all Mitganger’s good-natured, idiot attempts to introduce you to people with whom you have nothing in common!
Enjoy nodding awkwardly to Count Necker across the room while you both try to avoid making eye contact! Fume while Zlatka drinks too much (because she IS drunk and you don’t care what she says to the contrary, and what the hell is wrong with Necker that he doesn’t see it) and needles you right in front of everybody until you want to cry! Try not to choke Necker while he tries to play peacemaker! Watch Zlatka crumple like a wet handkerchief when she goes TOO FAR and you abandon all self-control and snap at her! Feel like shit when she disappears into the necessary, returning sullen and heavily powdered, and refuses to look at you for the rest of the night.
At midnight, there will be a champagne toast, and by the time you see Jelinka to her door and fend off her advances, it will be TOO LATE to go around to Pavlo and Rozinka’s like you originally wanted to! Collapse, exhausted, onto your bed without undoing your clothes. Your watch starts at three in the morning!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!